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Today Jason picked up the new Innocence Mission album, We Walked in Song, so I thought I would give it a spin while I worked on a bibliography tonight. As it turned out, I didn't get much work done because I kept finding myself lost (can I say that?) in Karen Peris's unmistakable cooey voice.
And I had a familiar feeling, one I am pretty sure the Innocence Mission elicits every time I listen but that is rather on the periphery of my consciousness and that I've never dared to pin down enough to name. The feeling is at the same time melancholy and a little bit exciting; it is deeply comforting and more than a little unnerving.
So tonight I decided to try to swim through and figure out what it is that this music brings out in me. I had just two clues in the form of very strong images. First, whenever I hear Peris's sweet voice, I am immediately transported back to the spring that I met Jason, when I walked to work nearly every day listening to the Innocence Mission's previous album, Befriended, and I would pray about the possibility of a future together (this is before we were dating). It's easy to say in hindsight, but I think back on that time and believe that I had, if not confidence that we would end up together, at least a quietness of spirit. Tonight as I listened to the new album, I my thoughts kept returning over and over again to the leaves growing on the catalpas, the promise that the wedding trees will bloom this year after all (I was worried after the early freeze).
If I had to simplify, then, I'd say that this feeling is a strangely easy mixture of a profound, and even painful, sense of longing and the suspicion that, even so, much is still right with the world. And then it finally hit me: the feeling is hope. In this broken world, where disappointment and loss are unavoidable ("Beautiful life, full of grieving"), I can't help but see that there is also abundant beauty and grace ("Oh, undeserved sweetness and light / Stay by my side"). Frankly, hope can be scary: some desires may never be fulfilled this side of heaven, and others may take longer than we think we can bear. But then again, something tells me it's probably better to be brave and embrace hope, so I'll try. This music makes me want to try ("If somebody calls me / I'm hoping not to fear, not fear to answer").
They also have a song called "Brave" that I know you've heard. It sort of speaks of the difficulty of hoping. "You go outside, you see the Holy Spirit burning in your trees... you walk on, glowing with the same glow, still you tremble inside." Another spot she sings "knowing what you do know, still you tremble inside."
Hope. Tough one. Can't we just sit and wait for good things to happen, occupying our time with books and movies all the while? NO! (damn!) We have to do something, move, act, change... love. (damn, again.)
Our intern here where I work is Scotch (Scots? Scottish?) and her family clan has a simple motto that I was teasing her about yesterday, but today sounds pretty good. The motto: Try. What else is there this side of perfection/complete redemption?
you must already know how i feel about this post. you nailed it! we filled the disc changed with IM stuff yesterday, in your honor.
yes, thanks for your description, renae...i have been listening to a lot of innocence mission these past months, and have been hit by similar feelings of hope/longing/melancholy/etc but am never able to put a finger on exactly what it is...i am a big fan of Befriended...i like to make eggs in the morning to it. they also did an album of childrens, nursery-ish tunes, that i have and find very comforting...i think it's called Now the Day is Over...
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